Some People just aren’t YOUR people

Dominic (by boyfriend) and I are passionate freedivers. That’s the thing where you dive without oxygen and it’s as magical and equally terrifying as you’d imagine it to be. We did a class in Mexico (total flex) and then 2 other classes here in Austria.

Why is that important?

Because it means we have a routine, we know our limits and the risks. It’s not just holding your breath and waddling down like a dying fish. You need to know your technique, you need to also accompany a diver as a safety. How do you identify someone who is struggling and when to assist? It’s a fucking science, and all while you’re holding your breath.

During the summer, he and I are always at the lake nearby and we’re geared to the teeth. Everything you need we have! Naturally, people are curious about our hobby, which is totally fine. SOME of them however, hit you with the

“Oh, can I join you one day maybe?”

Now, that’s very sweet and innocent and I’m very flattered you’re showing such an active interest inBLABLABLABLA.

THAT my friends, was the ultimate learning moment. Because if you bring some fucking uneducated noob along, your training goes out the window. You think one of these dipshits bothered to familiarise themselves with the topic just one bit? NO! We maybe have 3 people we can train with who know their shit and who have a certification themselves. Everybody else is a parasite and yes, they are all my friends. But they are a useless burden and I spit on their graves.

And people, the audacity of some of these motherfuckers who just invite themselves like it’s a pleasure to have them around. I don’t know if you’re able to tell, but I have had it!

But there was this one time it got so bad, it had me draw a VERY strict line.

Storytime:

One summer weekend we decided to take a good friend, Lukas, along on our freediving trip. He is a freediver himself and he knows his shit, so he got his ass whitelisted right away. The week before we went, he texts us and asks if one of his friends can join. He’s a super chill dude, he’s so keen to get to know the sport and wants to experience it for himself yadda yadda yeah yeah. Unfortunately that was during the pre-rage phase, so we said yes sure of course omg suuuuuure a chill dude omg please come along waste our fucking time weeeeeeee <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

…So he came along.

And yea…super nice dude, really chill. But honestly, and I hope he never reads this, because I really don’t mean to hurt his feelings. He doesn’t deserve it in any way shape or form. That being said: I am so done with nice people. I am so done with nice people that just fucking sit there like that’s all you need to be and expect to be served.

I hope you understand what makes me so angry: From the point some noob enters your space, you either leave this bitch in the dust or you become the teacher. And he and all the others come with the full expectations they get a free teaching lesson. So what did my NICE ass do?

I became the teacher.

I taught him how to breathe properly, guided him through the preparation exercise, taught him the proper technique. All of that shit!

Guess how many dives I did that day? Guess! Yes, 1 or 2. During the ENTIRE day. Those are the moments where I remember why people who teach something really like to get paid.

There is something else you need to know about me and my relationship to this sport:

It’s the biggest challenge of my life. To be a good freediver, you have to be able to calm your mind, to preserve oxygen, to be disciplined and focussed. I struggle with ALL of these concepts and I take this very seriously. It’s hard work to let go of my monkeybrain for me and I am extremely self conscious about my performance during training. I constantly have to remind myself that I am doing this for fun and for self improvement and not to torture myself. Because if you know me you know I can take ANYTHING and turn it into self torture.
These training sessions are super intimate, super vulnerable. I am confronted with the most insecure part in me and what I don’t need is some non-participating monkey watching me during all of it.

But since he was a good guy, a really good guy and not some entitled bully, he wanted to show his appreciation by inviting us to a BBQ that would take place at one of his friends houses afterwards.

To be honest, I just wanted to go home. But Dominic insisted he wanted to go just to mingle a bit. Ugh fine!

We arrived at this ominous friends house and…honestly in the shortest words possible: just not my crowd. There is really no other way to describe it. I was bored, I felt like I didn’t belong there. It was one of these typical events where the guys talk guy stuff and the girlies talk girlie stuff and for some reason, I never really clicked with the she-crowd. I was in the middle of these young women who had babies and are now gossiping about the town major and his 30 sluts, because they have nothing else to talk about but other people. I was hot, I was tired, I didn’t fucking care.

After 1-2 hours, which were forcibly ripped from my immortal soul, and with the emptiest social batteries I’ve had in a long LONG time, we got in the car and drove off.

That day we decided the following:

You can only join us for our training, if you have either a certification that proves you have the proper training or you have taught it yourself. I don’t care at all, you just have to know what you’re doing

I am not your teacher.

You have to add value if you want to add yourself. Teach me something, make the session better. Don’t just sit there, motherfucker.

Dominic isn’t allowed to make decisions about our social life for an unforeseeable future.

I think it’s called setting boundaries…it’s a magical thing where somebody wants something and you say no. And the other person has to either accept it or force you to do it which will result in a lawsuit and them going to jail. Both works for me.

Jokes aside, it’s so hard to tell your friends you don’t fuck with whatever they’re throwing your way. Because you want to appease them, since you like them or whatever. Afterwards we had someone else join us for our sessions and I told him no for any future sessions whatsoever. I told him the exact reasons why it’s unacceptable he doesn’t bother paying for training with a professional but finds it totally normal to demand us to take care of him. Not cool.

And if there’s something I’ve learned during my boundary setting: be careful whom you make an exception for. I would actually advise you to not make exceptions for anybody. Set a rule, think about everybody you know and don’t know. Would you make an exception for your mom? Would you make an exception for Taylor Swift?

Just say no. If somebody then decides you’re no good, they never deserved a yes in the first place.

Alright…Paula out!